Stories of the Street - Twenty Seven

A distinguished man of about fifty with a jaunty bow tie and navy style blazer steps into the pharmacy and looks around furtively.

There are two young women at the counter. The pharmacist does not believe in employing anyone but women as assistants. Most of his staff are either part time middle aged women or teenage school girls and all of them are paid out of the till, no Tax, no insurance, no deductions so no minimum wage. His wife, who never sets foot in the pharmacy, is the “official” shop assistant. She is paid rather well and he pays all of her contributions, tax and so on. Her pay keeps the profits of the shop convincingly low and there are enough unofficial bits and bobs being sold in the shop to cover staff and extras for him to feel that the business is viable.

His regular fears are directed at the landlord who might be tempted to put up the rent on the property and the variety of officials who might stroll in and check on the wrong things. His pharmacy practice is as squeaky clean as he can make it look, he is confident about that, but he still feels uncomfortable about all of the scams.

The two young women on the counter are fairly conscious of most of this but are happy to earn what they can. The younger is actually still at school and doing rather well in her studies (she will become a doctor whose prescriptions may even be fulfilled by her current boss if he survives in business long enough). The older is in her early thirties and is actually an illegal immigrant but neither her boss nor her associate behind the counter knows this. She has a very good degree in biochemistry and an incomplete Phd in genetically engineered enzymes for the brewing industry but her husband fell critically ill in their own country and she had brought him here to try and obtain better medical care – something she is steadily loosing the battle with the authorities on.

They are indulging in a game which keeps them from going mad with boredom. It has a number of variations depending on their mood and the type of customer who comes in.

“Number 4,” bets the younger whose name is Eve.

“Number 8,” concludes Matty, the older woman. The numbers refer to a list they have compiled of proprietary and prescribed medicines people are likely to buy or request over the counter. Number four is haemorrhoid treatment and number eight is laxative.

The man’s walk is slightly unsteady, as if he finds it difficult to move his legs properly and Matty whispers, “looks like you might be right.”

Eve looks back, whispering, “or maybe he’s in tragic need of number 7!”

This causes Matty to almost splutter with laughter as number seven is a powerful treatment for diarrhoea.

On stiff legs, he shuffles unsteadily to the counter, looking desperately for a male assistant or pharmacist. Eve brightly offers her help with her keenest smile as Matty slips away from the counter before she bursts into fits of giggles. She walks up the length of the shop, moving items of stock around on the counters while looking in the large mirror which serves as a deterrent to shop lifters and allows her to watch the counter without being seen by the customer. She nearly screams with laughter as she watches the story unfold in the mirror and has to work hard at controlling herself as she walks down one side of the shops shelves as the man shuffles towards the exit along the other passage way.

“I don’t believe it!” they scream together as the shop door closes behind the man. “A dozen condoms! 12 extra strong! He doesn’t look as if he is in a condition to open the packets!”

The pharmacist comes out from the rear of the shop to find out what all the noise is about. He listens to the description of the old man and his purchases and makes a comment which he does not think warrants their response, which is even more uncontrollable laughter so he turns and walks back to the safety of his pharmacy.

All he had said was that he had recognised the man from the description.

“I warned him, the old fool,” said the pharmacists, “That’s Mr Harris. He has managed to convince his doctor to prescribe him Viagra. I warned him it would be very bad for him with his heart but he would not listen!”